today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
