I think i peed on brittanys purse
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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