hell yes lets make some ravioli
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
