I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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