is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
