I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
