guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
