the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
