She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i now understand why vodka
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
