We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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