you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
