And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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