Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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