Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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