dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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