one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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