I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
