turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
