The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
