Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
