I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
