i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
