god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
