I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
