I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
