my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
