dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
