Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
