I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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