So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
