were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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