My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
