Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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