That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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