If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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