Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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