i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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