dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
