The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
