Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
please don't ironically join a cult
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