She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
