My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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