At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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