around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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