I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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