1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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