my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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