I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
