He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize