Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
