if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
