He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
