just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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