Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
