Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
