I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
