My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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