remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
