Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
