cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You are a genius and a whore.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
