Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dicks are not precious.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
