I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
