Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
