***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I smell like Dick and happiness
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