So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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