Im at strip club and am horny
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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