I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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