I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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