I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
