she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
