A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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